My holy cow usually resides on a shelf with a few other stuffed friends. Sometimes I use him as a pillow for a power nap. He belonged to Trish, my late mother-in-law. I kept him after her passing as a memento of her joyful spirit and dubbed him my holy cow in her honor. She was my spiritual mentor for almost fifty years and a true believer in the abundance of the universe. She gave continuous thanks that she always had enough to meet her needs and more. He sits on my Taurus altar to remind me of my spiritual values, to have a joyful attitude, to relax and enjoy the bounty of the universe.
Mercury stationed direct yesterday and I made a difficult decision.
Early in April, I declared my wish to attend the last formal gathering of a group whose conferences I’ve attended since 1993. I consider the members part of my spiritual family and I wanted the opportunity to see them for what could be the last time. Having several dear friends living nearby, who I haven’t seen in almost three years, sweetened my desire.
I started making my travel plans at the beginning of this lunation cycle. I wrote to my friends in the area regarding their availability for a visit. Then, as I was checking airfares and calculating the time I’d be away from home if I was to see everyone I wanted to see, I began feeling anxious.
Discussing my angst with friends over the weekend, I became aware that my values were at odds. Most notably, the value I place on my friends and spiritual family and the value I place on my own self-care. Emotionally, I was torn between my need for personal down time and my desire to see loved ones. Instinctively, I knew I wasn’t up to going. Intellectually, reason supported following my instincts.
Once the decision was made to stay home, I felt the affirmative rush of relief.
In keeping with the disseminating phase, I’m sharing what I’ve learned thus far in the cycle. Trish’s death in 2013 left a huge whole in my life. I had been her primary caregiver for the previous seven years. We moved in 2014 and since then I’ve worked to make this home a comfort zone from which I can navigate my way through the changes. I feel so lucky to have this timeout for personal growth available to work on moving smoothly from one phase of my life to the next.
I realized that travel now would be a distraction. As much as I value my long-distance friends and spiritual family, I need to take advantage of this time and this space for my own self-care. Relatively speaking, I only have a short time to address and process the questions surrounding “What’s Next”.
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